I was going to make a post similar to Ciel's. I guess I'll give it a try anyways
First, you seem to be very reluctant to be associated with polyamory. That's your right, but I'm confused. Many polyamorous people only want committed relationships, it's not always a sexual free-for-all. Although maybe, because some people are like that, you don't want to be associated with it at all?
I'm sorry that you were so shocked by the welcome. People here have many configurations, and it is often helpful and relevant to know who is in a relationship with whom. You say BoringGuy asked questions before trying to get to know you, but the way I see it, asking questions WAS getting to know you. We do talk pretty openly on these forums, and if you're not comfortable revealing something, it's fine. It just makes things more complicated later, if someone asks for advice and for instance people don't know if they're in a vee or a triad (not sure if you're familiar with the term. Both have 3 people, in a triad they're all together, in a vee one person is with the other two, and the other two aren't with one another), the advice would be different depending of the situation so it makes things harder.
I understand that it would probably have seemed less shocking to you if you had been asked if any of the wives are married to one another as well, instead of being asked for orientation. You seem to be reluctant to talk about sex much, but sex here is a common subject, people are open about it in general, including people who do not partake in casual sex.
I had the same reaction to your avatar as many people. This logo has implications that are disturbing, similar to using the crooked (nazi) cross as an avatar, for instance. It's been used to promote hatred and violence, and the idea that you found it the most representative thing to use for a first impression is a bit disturbing. I'm still not quite sure what your goal was, it seems like a very provocative thing to do.
I figure that as long as you stay civil and respectful of everyone on this board (even though, as far as you know, not a single one of us might be white), the avatar is not as much of an issue, but yes, it is unsettling.
Your relationship with your husband seems to be a D/s relationship, although I assume you're probably not comfortable being associated with BDSM either.
I'm not sure what this forum might bring to you, but I hope we'll give you a better image of polyamory, or at least show that there is a lot of variety in poly people.