I am struggling with a similar thing as well : wanting to be less attached, wanting to need less reassurance. A good professional told me recently, that if I feel like I need reassurance something is amiss. Basically, that if I feel cared for and my needs tended to, I shouldn't need reassurance. She pointed out some ways that I wasn't being cared for that hadn't occurred to me. They weren't on my radar because I tend not to feel deserving of much. A secondary is right there in that spot that women so easily get to - putting our own needs to the side in service of harmony in our relationship.
I'm feeling excluded too. Lonely while thinking he is having fun. Forgotten. Jealous a little.
So where do I find the balance between asking for more and accepting what's given to me? I think you just have to ask. If someone is upset by such a request then they must be just a little bit selfish, no? It's the "needy woman" trap to be careful of...
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."