my poly puzzle
Hey everyone. Im posting this description of my poly relationship as I am still very new to this whole thing and struggling with certain aspects of it. Ill try to be as detailed as I can and I welcome any comments or advice offered.
I have been with my Mrs for ten years come November. We got together in high school, moved in together a few years after that and started our family with our first child of three being born just under five years ago. Over the course of our relationship we have often discussed ideas such as swinging and polyamoury, mainly through the influence of television documentaries. Eventually after the birth of our third son last year we decided that instead of merely talking about things we should explore it if it both interested us. As a result we set up a profile on a swinging website and soon began talking to people.
The first couple we messaged we realised that we knew. B had been at university with me and he had met his girlfriend J not long after I had dropped out to start my family. We arranged to meet them as our first swing, but we both became drawn to them in more ways, me I think more than Mrs. We were also their first swing and I later learned that J thought of us as potentially something more not long after that.
We all continued to see each other on a semi regular basis, sometimes meeting as a foursome, sometimes a threesome or a swap. Our meets would not always be sexual, but between me and J they often were: we found we had a lot of passion together, perhaps because of NRE I don't know. B had a much lower sex drive than the rest of us and would not play as much. My meets with him tended not to be sexual - mainly due to my nervousness with bi play due to a prior bad experience. I even stayed with B and J one night where after the sexual play ended me and J spent a lot longer talking and flirting. We later learned B had been awake but don't know if he had overheard. The next morning me and J did something stupid by having intercourse without a condom. I have performance issues with condoms which is a reason why it happened, but she is not on any other contraception. As a result she needed to take the morning after pill, arousing B's suspicions when her period came early. Mrs found out but B still doesn't know (we think, he watched us finish but I don't think he noticed, and he has never commented)
Needless to say Mrs was not happy but some months passed and we still continued as we had. We were for all intents and purposes exclusive for most of this time apart from one man that Mrs was also seeing, until another couple entered the scene. We all chatted to them and some meets were arranged but that all fell apart for all of us bar B, who still is in contact with them.
The next major development came when an overnight swap was arranged. I had already told J that she meant a lot to me, and she had responded in kind. She said me and Mrs reminded her of a couple she had engaged in a poly relationship with while studying abroad in the USA. That relationship had come to a close as she had left the country but she talks of the whole experience fondly and both Mrs and I had discussed it with her before. The night of the swap I told J that I thought I loved her, and she said it back before we made love. It was a good night but, unsure how to tell Mrs (who I was sure would not react well) I hid this fact for a week, instead encouraging her developing feelings for B and J. However Mrs can read me like a book at all times and Im ashamed to say that I lied to her (in vain) about what had been said. She found out and it caused a huge rift in the burgeoning quad. Me and J had to work to earn back her trust but we all three agreed on our feelings for each other in the end.
B decided instead that he doesn't think of us in the same way. He took a step back from the relationship, deciding he wanted nothing at first, then a FWB style set up. He has admitted that he cares about us but me and Mrs both are aware that certain things make him uncomfortable, such as me and J having sex. I thought things were on the mend when we had another foursome, but again that led to complications. B started focusing a lot more on swinging, arranging meets with new people and couples. In this time Mrs found A, who was recommended in our direction by B but who J made B swear off on once she realised Mrs was developing feelings for him. B and J also met S, who is married but swinging discreetly, and who J has also developed feelings for. S seems to think a lot of them both as well. It felt to me and Mrs during this time that B was trying to faze us out, as well as trying to prevent our relationship with J.
This led to Mrs and A getting very close. I have been uncomfortable watching her with other men in the past and so was absent for most of their meets. I soon learned that they were having intercourse without condoms, something against our rules since my indiscretion with J. We argued about it greatly and I almost prevented her from seeing A in anger, but we worked through it. I know she liked the closeness that the fluid-bonding with A gave her and wants to do it again, but the idea irks me, maybe due to the way she did it behind my back at first or maybe due to the fact I cannot do it with J. We are also still swinging, having met another couple (P+O) at a party we were invited to and meeting them again before they also met B and J. Not sure where that will go, or whether we will continue to attend these parties (B drove us to the two we did attend, despite him only being invited to one.)
B and J recently had some difficulties which have caused them both to completely reassess their thinking on the whole thing. They have taken their profile down form the swinging site. J has said she is done with swinging, but wants to continue to see the people she has feelings for, namely me, Mrs and S. B however still wants to continue swinging but despite knowing that he cares about us me and Mrs are unsure where we stand with him and so do not know if we want to see him alone as we used to. We recently met with J, but did nothing sexual, and spent the whole evening talking about our relationship, something we would be unable to do with B present. Mrs also wants to still see A, and we arranged a meet with another couple (L+M) recently but did not play. Yet we do know that we want to see L+M and P+O again in the future, and that our relationships with both will be mainly sexual.
J also recently told us that she is planning to have sex with one of her coworkers (G) before he leaves, as she has always been attracted to him. Im not comfortable with that for many reasons, but feel that its not my place to say anything about that. One concern is that J is very flirty with many of her coworkers, even openly flirting with another who was married. Im worried that this would merely be the first of many such times this could happen.
So that's me and my huge puzzle arranged out for you all.
Bio in Brief: Me and Mrs open and swinging. Mrs also seeing A. Recent relationship breakdown with J and B.