Learned the hard way
I've learned that there are certain conversations that have to be monitored by an appropriate third party. Conversations that must never take place one on one. For the protection of both parties.
Criminal behavior or potential criminal behavior should only be discussed with a criminal law attorney present.
Psychotic behavior that could potentially lead to criminal behavior should only be discussed with a qualified trained, licensed therapist who specializes in the behavior in question.
To do anything less is extremly careless.
Betrayal by an adult of another adult cannot be reconcilled, ever. Betrayal of an adult of a child's trust is responsible for the majority of pathological behavior we witness.
I use this rule of thumb with my wife. There are certain issues to do with her ex, my ex and each others children that we can't unravel without the help of a trained therapist. Who will help us to inadvertantly wound ourselves or anyone else.
We've learned over time that we're not being dishonest we're just recognizing that we can't be honest with each other without a 3rd parties help.