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Old 09-29-2012, 06:15 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is online now
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,792

Originally Posted by thinker View Post
That's the price of freedom Dagferi,me and my wife had engaged in some "soft" (my our standards) BDSM which involves with whips and stuff.... its alright so long its not really harming anybody and we had a system of safewords too.... (its not creepy nor weird) your H sounds like a submitter one in BDSM. (i m one too btw and we enjoy it!)
Well I do not enjoy BDSM. It makes me feel dirty, objectified, used. I was physically abused in a prior relationship and BDSM triggers panic in me. It is the one rough spot in my marriage. My husband has my permission to find a play partner at anytime. But he is mono and has made no move to do so. He said he would like ME to find him one well sorry I am not his pimp.

Interesting well..... if its hard to date for a married man then i would just have a string of friends-with-benefits then... because i don't really mind if i either physical or emotional attraction to others. So long my wife is happy....
Good luck finding a FWB. I have known many who tried but few can pull it off. Surf some relationship message boards and you will find many horror stories. Someone usually develops deeper feelings.

Yes my relationship with M has not been that long. But I am one of those people who either likes someone or I don't. I do not waste my time with those who do not hold my attention.

I knew my husband all of 10 months when we were married. Have been married 11 years. My father new my mother 4 months when they got married and they have been together 39 years. I am my father's daughter.

you are a polygamous material! interestingly some divorces can actually be solved by this kind of arrangement if either side don't take monogamous so seriously
I honestly love both my husband D and my boyfriend M deeply. I love my children all the same, so I have a hard time understanding why society has an issue if you love partners the same way.

what is "INTJ"? you have been with M for only 6 months!? amazing!
INTJ is Jung personality type. I am highly independent. I like independent men, able to stand up the sometimes formidable strength of my personality. I know quickly--usually on the first or second date--whether or not a relationship has any future, and I will not waste my time on courtships that seem to hold little promise. Even in more casual social situations, I can appear cold and may neglect to observe small rituals designed to put others at ease. I do not enjoy idle chitchat, and thus people receive a sense of hurry or disinterest from me which is not always intended. I am hard to read, and I am not very outgoing or emotionally expressive. I have a strong need for privacy, and they do not enjoy physical contact except with a chosen few. M and my husband being the only few. Don't get me wrong I am deeply emotional even romantic, and once I have decided a person is worthy, I am passionate and loyal through the good and bad.

i saw your more "detailed" time arrangements from your previous post....... seems like H/M had like 60/40 of your time. How bout the kids if you are living with M then......
Currently the kids go home at night when I am with M. But M is redoing bedrooms for the two youngest boys in his house. At first I was going to keep the kids out of M's and I relationship. But my husband actually feels better knowing that is something happened to him M would step up to the plate and they would be taken care of.

I asked this because if all hell breaks lose then my wife's lover will try to grab my fortunes (a worse case scenario)
How do you figure?

The reason that i really care what my family thinks is not because they are my family (and relatives my closest ones live 9 hours away by plane.) and my traditional background is because i (cough!) may inherit their money or property (cough! ) some time in the future due to blood relations, if they disowned me i will be doomed..... I may sound really greedy but in times like this (the GFC, Euro crisis) everyone wants to have some extra cash if all hell breaks loose (economically).
Why not be true to yourself and live a honest full life. Money doesn't make the man. I feel for you that you are saddled by greed and the expectations of others. You can't take it with you and definitely doesn't make you happy.

Well i was planning to have a primary and secondary partner arrangement (for jealously sake) for a year or 2 (haven't tell open marriage to my wife yet and this is negotiable too!) but putting the H and lovers are equals!? I may accept this arrangement if i know that will make my wife happy but i need time to digest this.....
My personal belief is that a third person has no right to force their will upon a relationship between two other people. You have to let the relationships between your wife and HER other partner(s) take on their own shape. You can't shove a square peg into a round hole. Neither M or my husband sticks their nose in the relationships I have with either one. My husbands needs have NOTHING to do with M.

My husband does not keep score... Oh he wants to but has learned that sometimes M my get more of my undivided attention but things come back around in his favor other weeks.

you must have started on shaky ground because i know that there "must" be some kind of rules (i believe in rules maybe because i worked for the government.... ) if open marriage is allowed and also one main rule is "respect" is that H and M would not ruin either side's relationship because i heard that some immature bastards just simply try to stir some trouble between the husband and the wife.
Actually no.. there has been no shaky ground. My husband has trusted me from the beginning to do what is right. Using the gov't as an example probably isn't the best. From what I have seen gov't always tends to run things into the ditch. May take a few hundred years but the greatest civilizations the world has seen have fallen at one time or another.
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