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Old 09-29-2012, 10:35 AM
thinker thinker is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 27
Default Thanks Dagferi

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Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
Sorry life has been a bit busy the last two days..

I do not know if I would call myself lucky.. His opening up the marriage came at a price. He did so in order to trade for BDSM participation from me. Despite the fact that it creeps me out.
That's the price of freedom Dagferi,me and my wife had engaged in some "soft" (my our standards) BDSM which involves with whips and stuff.... its alright so long its not really harming anybody and we had a system of safewords too.... (its not creepy nor weird) your H sounds like a submitter one in BDSM. (i m one too btw and we enjoy it!)

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Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
Dating as a married man is really hard. Not many women are open to the idea. Ashley madison is full of professionals, cowgirls, and fakes. Heck my boyfriend was freaked out at first. We met through mutual circles and we clicked. He wanted me in his life so he gave it a go and it is working well.
Interesting well..... if its hard to date for a married man then i would just have a string of friends-with-benefits then... because i don't really mind if i either physical or emotional attraction to others. So long my wife is happy....

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Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
-how long have you been engaging in an open marriage?

I have been in an open marriage a year and a half.
That is really short and seems to be successful too

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Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
-how did your H proposed open marriage to you? (timing, situation and etc)

We had a huge discussion about relationships and he pointed out I was probably polygamous. I flitted from boyfriend to boyfriend before my husband no one man was ever enough for me.
you are a polygamous material! interestingly some divorces can actually be solved by this kind of arrangement if either side don't take monogamous so seriously

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
-is your M your first bf? or your ?th bf since open marriage

I have casually dated others since opening my marriage. I am an INTJ personality. I tend to end relationships that do not work for me very quickly. Most lasted a few weeks. M has been with me 6 months.
what is "INTJ"? you have been with M for only 6 months!? amazing!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
-how did you arrange your time between your H and your M since it requires massive amounts of time management

We work mostly around M's schedule. He works 12 hour shifts with rotating days off. He is off every other weekend. Spend 2 weekends a month with M. And also one of his days off a week for an additional overnight stay. I go over there after work.
i saw your more "detailed" time arrangements from your previous post....... seems like H/M had like 60/40 of your time. How bout the kids if you are living with M then......

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
-how will you plan your time if one of them (H or M) wants to go to overseas with you (since i m foreign born it IS compulsory to go to overseas and also other places at the same time with my wife which can be like 100/0 for the next 1.5 months)

None of us are the type to go overseas...lol.
Ok..... i really had to deal with this since my marriage is an interracial one and my relatives are living overseas which our family had to go once once year).... i better think about it myself then

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Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
-financial arrangements?

My daily fiances are separate from M's.
I asked this because if all hell breaks lose then my wife's lover will try to grab my fortunes (a worse case scenario)

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Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
-distance between your house and M's house?

M lives 30 minutes from my home and an hour from my work. It is like 20 miles.
thats sounds really far for me ahhh well if you find another love you had to get use to it anyway...

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Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
-how bout the kids and family will they get used to it? (since my family especially my relatives comes from traditional background of monogamy i m -afraid they will disown me if they ever know it)

I really don't care what my family thinks. They do not pay my bills. My closest family is 9 hours away. My kids are 18, 9, and 5 all boys. My oldest doesn't care. My two younger kids enjoy M so far. They think he walks on water. My middle son loves music. M is a guitarist. They have the same taste in music. My youngest is a car nut. M races and shows classic American cars.
The reason that i really care what my family thinks is not because they are my family (and relatives my closest ones live 9 hours away by plane.) and my traditional background is because i (cough!) may inherit their money or property (cough! ) some time in the future due to blood relations, if they disowned me i will be doomed..... I may sound really greedy but in times like this (the GFC, Euro crisis) everyone wants to have some extra cash if all hell breaks loose (economically).

Seems M is really compatible with your son so proud of you knowing a man that you loved while your sons liked him as an awesome person.

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Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
-did you try to separate them between primary and secondary partner? ( it will be my early arrangement where me and my wife's relationship is above all else -even if we had emotions to our respective lovers.

No I treat my husband and M equally. I love them both deeply. M understands the kids come first. If my husband D told me M would have to go all hell would break loose.
Well i was planning to have a primary and secondary partner arrangement (for jealously sake) for a year or 2 (haven't tell open marriage to my wife yet and this is negotiable too!) but putting the H and lovers are equals!? I may accept this arrangement if i know that will make my wife happy but i need time to digest this.....

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Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
-what are your rules of open marriage?

Really do not have any. My tubes are tied due to my last son almost killing me. My husband trusts me enough not to ruin our relationship into the ditch, and M the same.
you must have started on shaky ground because i know that there "must" be some kind of rules (i believe in rules maybe because i worked for the government.... ) if open marriage is allowed and also one main rule is "respect" is that H and M would not ruin either side's relationship because i heard that some immature bastards just simply try to stir some trouble between the husband and the wife.

thanks for your answers i can take this into consideration and make some kind of a summary within a few months and propose it to my wife (in professional manner)
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