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Old 09-28-2012, 11:27 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

Her children are all in their 40's. This is her second husband (after a very messy, nasty divorce from her first asshole cheater husband) and they have no children together. So, though I wouldn't be surprised if he's preying on her insecurities and fear of being alone, along with her lack of feelings of self-worth and self-respect, I seriously doubt she's in fear of her life. He was out of the house for over a year without incident, and when we were told by my cousin what had happened, it also came out that he'd had inappropriate (though not illegal) behavior over the years with several other nieces. What we thought was a combination of cultural differences and lack of understanding of social boundaries was found to be something much worse, and in the police investigation that followed I'm fairly sure they looked at the "who else could he have molested?" angle.

I am not asking for opinions of whether or not I should see her or let my children see her. They've seen her a handful of times in their lives and barely know who she is. I've made my decision based on what I need for my mental health, which is that I will not see her, and my children will not be around her without me, so they won't see her. I am not looking to be my aunt's rescuer. My mother will do that in a heartbeat if she feels it's necessary. I'm also not looking to try to change her mind. No one else has at this point, there's no reason to think I would be successful. All I'm looking for are perspectives on being upfront with her about why she will no longer see me, versus ending contact without explanation. So far it seems like being upfront is the popular choice. Thanks for the responses that address that part.
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
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