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Old 09-28-2012, 06:20 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552
Default Honesty vs Over-sharing

This isn't really about poly, but is a question about when one crosses a line from being honest to over-sharing or being cruel, so I thought I'd bring it to you all, since that's a topic that comes up a lot.

So, a tiny bit of background: last year, my family learned that my uncle (by marriage, not blood-related) had molested my 16 year old cousin (his niece, not his daughter). It was immediately stated that he was no longer welcome at any of our family functions. No one wanted to have anything to do with him and he moved out of my aunt's house and they got a legal separation. Though I knew the wheels of the court system would be slow (both for the prosecution of his crime and getting a divorce) I was under the impression that things were on their way to reaching an end of sorts.

Apparently I was wrong. I learned just this week that, though they are still legally separated, my aunt has made a choice to keep her husband in her life and has allowed him to move back in. I don't understand her choice at all, and have decided that if I can not trust her to keep someone she KNOWS has hurt someone else in that way out of her life, then I am not comfortable trusting her around myself or my children, even if he kept to the agreement and never accompanied her on any family visits ever again.

Other people in my family have chosen to just stop communicating with her. I don't know what they'll do if they're at a family function she comes to. I know I will take my kids and leave until she's gone, and no one in my family (that I know of) has a problem with my decision or is questioning my right to make it. My question comes down to: do I just stop communication, or do I explicitly tell my aunt what choice I am making and why?

I am one of those "errs on the side of over-sharing" people. MC and TGIB probably know WAY more about my relationship with the other than they really need to, but that's how I am and everyone currently in a relationship with me is okay with it. I need people close to me to understand me, and with that comes knowledge of other people in my life. So in this instance, my gut is telling me to write her an email explaining to her how I feel her choice affects me and what choice I will be making because of it. But then I wonder- am I being unnecessarily harsh or somehow subconsciously trying to punish her? Would it be more right to just let contact with her die, and only explain if she asks (which is unlikely)?

So, I need a little perspective here, folks. I'm just slightly too mired in this muck to be able to be objective. Thanks for any help you feel like giving.
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
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