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Old 09-28-2012, 04:42 PM
Jayehare Jayehare is offline
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 24
Thumbs up Finally Came Clean!

I did it! I broached the subject by saying that when we first talked about open relationships, R said he 'wouldn't want to know'. I said that I wondered if that was really true since ... there was something to know. He said, "what have you done?" with amused curiosity. I took a deep breath, and told him L and I had kissed a fooled around a couple of times. His immediate reaction was - impressed. Then I got into the timeline, and he wasn't happy that he'd been left out of the loop for so long, felt a bit like he'd been played. I explained that it was frightening and bizarre when it happened, and I wasn't sure what it all meant. Then I said that I began to look into open relationships and poly relationships and realized that I do have the capacity to have strong feelings about more than one person. I brought up other friend (G), and I continually reiterated that none of these other relationships or feelings ever took away from how I feel about R. I said that my experience with L charged me and thus charged us, and that it was good. Throughout it all I defended what I feel, what I did, and apologized profusely for not being honest about it from the beginning. That was my only mistake. He brought up L's partner not knowing, and that it bothered him. I agreed, but we both agreed that it wasn't our place to dictate what they do in their relationship. He said that since its over, and isn't going to happen again (unless somehow L's partner is okay with it), then it's up to L if he wants to bury that secret to protect his weaker relationship. He did say that if L's partner asked him directly, he wouldn't lie. I don't think that I would either.

And then we had the most phenomenal sex ever.

We'll see how things go over the next few days. I know he's upset, despite being so amazing about it all. But he doesn't see it as a huge deal, and he doesn't see it as threatening.

So I feel so much better - and so lucky. I'm glad my assumptions about how my partner would react were correct. I know there will still be some work to do to rebuild trust, but I feel so much lighter now than I have in so long. I also feel like, were another L to come along, we'd have a great shot at a true open relationship. And that's liberating...

Now to tell L that the cat's out of the bag. I think he'll be okay, since it's still up to him whether he discloses to his partner or not. Part of me truly hopes that he does. For them. I feel so secure and happy right now ... all this angst, this lying by omission, and I could have been truthful from the beginning...
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