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Old 09-28-2012, 03:41 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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If you’re kinky, have you found that kink levels decrease as you get closer/cuddly/more emotionally intimate? Or is it more of a “wax and wane” over the course of time?

I've noticed it's more of a wax and wane course. With my boyfriend we haven't really ever had a BDSM relationship. With my owners our relationship is primarily that but it's taken a back burner just because of outside stresses that need to be fixed. My fiancee and I have a mix of BDSM in our relationship and really the fact that I'm starting to want more play lets me know that some of my stressors are lessening.

Is it often the case that when you meet new sexual partners you direct more extreme sexual behaviour towards them and away from the primary relationship?

I don't know if it was because of the new relationship or the fact that my boyfriend was more attentive to my needs when I got into a relationship with him but there was more sex between us than myself and my fiancee. I do think a lot of it had to do with that fact my fiancee was having problems coping with me not doing well and pulling away while my boyfriend was seeking me out and helping me through my difficult times as much as he could. It's gotten a bit better but I do see some differences in my sex life with my fiancee and my boyfriend (my fiancee goes to sleep late and wakes up late so we aren't going to bed at the same time or waking up at the same time for sex at either of those moments which is more of the easier times to have sex just due to that activeness of our lives in general).

Does NRE with others generally lead to less sex between primaries?


I don't think it's a set in stone thing, but it just sometimes happens because it's easy in the new relationship (especially if you don't see that partner often) to marathon sex at times which can lead to physical and emotional exhaustion for a day or two afterwards.

If you’re into BDSM play, do you have any restrictions on BDSM with others, or does everything go?

The restriction for me is that I don't start a new type of play with my owners until my fiancee and I have gotten a chance to try that play out ourselves. It makes it somewhat difficult (we are both kinda green to BDSM and my owners aren't) and sometimes I think I don't like something when my fiancee and I try it but realize I do if my owners try it later (This I think has to do with the fact my fiancee is into the sadism/masochistic side of BDSM which I am not. I've tried encouraging him to find someone who is into that so he can get those urges out and not try to use them with me but he's really wired mono both sexually and romantically)

If you’re into D/S play, how do you manage this with having an extremely equal relationship in all other ways?

Like I said I have one relationship that is pretty much mostly Owner/pet (there is some romance and non D/s relationship aspects in it), a relationship that is a mix of D/s and not (pretty much even), and a relationship that has no D/s aspects to it at all.

Do you get jealous if your primary does something sexually with another partner you crave and hasn’t happened in a while? Do you talk about it, and how do you do this without them feeling you’re pressuring them into a certain sex act? Or do you just tell yourself it's none of your business because every relationship is different, and you’re glad he’s having fun?
I can't answer this in regards to my fiancee because he is mono. With my Owners I have been missing a lot of our play time (again it's because of outside stressors) just because that bit kinda just fills me differently. I realize I feel this the most with my boyfriend. Not necessarily in the sex aspect but just in the time aspect. And I have worked on talking to him about getting some one-on-one time together outside of the bedroom which he has been amazing at (love languages helped a lot. He didn't realize how much I thrive on touch/quality time and was trying to make sure that my fiancee wasn't uncomfortable. My fiancee informed us as long as we aren't foreplaying in front of him he's fine with us being affectionate).
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