Is 'Keeping Tabs' wrong to do?
My partner and I have been together for about 10 months now...we don't live together just yet but there's been talk about that (in the new year) which would be good to wait until at least a year before making the move.
Yesterday, when I was at work and before to heading to his home for our evening plans, I was asked by him to drive his hookup of the day to the train station on our way to dinner. Okay...
I asked him later on if he had any other hookups this week (I find myself doing this every single time days go by without us seeing each other, as I'm curious and not quite sure he would offer up the information himself). He then, hesitantly, told me he had another the day before (a regular who he's hooked up with multiple times).
My partner then (of course) isn't feeling sexual from the days activities, and he's a bit sore, too, from both days (hoping that he'll heal from much activity in the nether region).
I broached the topic on if he feels comfortable with me asking about his hookups, and he says 'Why do you want to know?'. I was a little stymied. I didn't really have a good answer. 'Because I'm curious. You're my partner, I'd like to know who else you're sleeping with'. And he simply replies with 'Why?'. I still couldn't answer. I asked him back, 'Why do you think I would ask?'... he let me know it's because he thinks I might not trust him and/or I'm keeping tabs on him...
So, I'm on the precipice of something big here. I do feel more comfortable in our relationship as time has gone by, but I would like to know who he hooks up with, and when. But not exactly sure why. Hard pressed to answer, I think it helps me process with given facts instead of what I can conjure up in my head in a negative way (some baggage there) like inventing 'Did he just go to an orgy today?' He let me know he had fun with 10+ guys in a sauna on a trip recently, so that's a new tidbit for me to process and wonder if that behavior will continue in the home region. I also am a little upset/annoyed that he's 'sore', and his priority (me) can't partake sexually with him after the number his recent hookups did on him. I'd love to go to compersion, be happy for him, and relish in my hookups as well (as I do, in the moment when I'm having them), but I'm wondering if this is a normal thing, to consistently ask about his hookups, or is there an easy way to let it go... also, should I?
Lots of words, I know... thanks for reading and considering a response!