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Old 09-27-2012, 11:37 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Illinois
Posts: 284

Let's start over...

Welcome, PolygamousWU, to the forums. I've been here for a while, and while I don't post regularly I do have a vague understanding of how these forums work. I'm going to try to shed some light on the inner workings for you.

First and foremost, in order for us to better understand your role in your relationship and help you understand polyamory, we need to know something about you. We don't know you, where you live, or any personal or identifying information. That's part of the charm of this forum. You can post anonymously. Part of that anonymity also means that you're going to be asked questions you wouldn't necessarily be asked in a real life situation. Forgive my crudeness in this next sentence, I'm trying to make a point. None of us are that brazen to just come out and say, "So, do you like giving blowjobs?" in real life. My point here is that this isn't behavior indicative of polyamory. This is something you see in an anonymous setting, especially a forum.

Second, you've entered into this site with a very strong apprehension. Here's a quote to show you what I'm talking about.

Originally Posted by PolygamousWU
I do not believe in polyamory (maybe I have the wrong defiinition), so maybe this site will educate me on polyamory vs. polygamy. Though if it is not in line with our beliefs, I probably won't post much, if at all.
Polyamory means "many loves". Polygamy means "often married" or "many marriages". The difference here is that polyamory is not necessarily tied to marriages. I think the term you are looking for is polygyny, which refers to a scenario where a man married many women. The women are often monogamous in this scenario. The other side to that coin is polyandry, or a woman marrying many men. The men are often monogamous in this scenario. To recap:

Polyamory: Many loves (not necessarily marriage)
Polygamy: Many marriages (so, a form of polyamory)
Polygyny: Many wives (a form of polyamory AND polygamy)
Polyandry: Many husbands (a form of polyamory AND polygamy)

So, in essence, your husband is polyamorous. You very well may not be. That's fine! Not everyone is, and we understand that. As far as polyamorists go, we don't care what prefix is attached. Polyamory, polygamy, polygyny, and polyandry. It's all 'poly'!

Now that that's all out of the way, do me a favor. Tell us what you ARE willing to share. If you don't, how could we possibly get to know you better? BoringGuy didn't know you were going to receive his questions poorly. He doesn't know the first thing about you. He was just trying to get some information on the situation.

Some questions I think are fair. You're welcome to disagree.

Your family practices polygyny. What are your feelings towards polyandry? Do you think it's something you would be interested in if your husband were not around (say if you had never met him)?

You reacted strongly to the question of whether or not you are bisexual. How do you feel about bisexuality or homosexuality? Are you opposed to non-heterosexual relations? Saying you are pro-bi or pro-homo doesn't inherently mean that YOU are bi. All it does is tell us if you think humans should be heterosexual or not or be whatever they want to be! I will mention that a great many polyamorous people are bisexual, so if you don't agree with that lifestyle choice, please be delicate.

You posted about your children and said how wonderful they are, but when you were asked how many you had, you got defensive. You also indicated that they subservant to you and you to your husband. You also mentioned that you are not religious, but you called your husband the Highest Power (and capitalized both the word husband and the phrase highest power). This indicates that you do have a faith in him, that you treat him as your God. That is a religious relationship. It may not be a Christian or Mormon relationship, but it's still a faith-based relationship. You believe in his ability to make rational decisions, provide for your family, and tend to your needs as you tend to his. So, why the need to point out that it wasn't religious? Is there a bad history with religion?

There are quite a few more questions that I will gladly ask, if you're willing to answer, but I don't want to waste my time if you're not up for sharing. I want to be clear, I'm not pushing you to answer any of the questions I've asked. If you are willing, great. If not, that's fine. It's going to be very difficult for us to help you in your journey unless we are allowed to ask you questions, but the choice is ultimately yours to make.

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old