You got the feedback, you are reviewing your position. You have come to find that maybe you could adjust a bit. You are allowed
to change your mind after seeking information, input, etc.
You have come to new self awareness -- that you have a habit of rushing into things. And there's the sense of TIMING and TONE in communication to consider. Not just the message but HOW the message is delivered.
That's good to learn. Nothing horrible there.
I'm a bit concerned by the HIGH and LOW thing -- the "volume" is up and down a lot. I'm not sure if it is your writing style or what? But if this is you in general way of going and not just the writing style? Try to see if you can be more even keel in your dealings and how you handle your feelings.
Relationships test that a lot -- ability to stay even keel. Ditto communication skills -- putting the message out well and receiving feedback from others well. It doesn't even matter if monoamorous or polyamorous!
Don't hide your inner life/thoughts from wife. You can share with her.
Tell her she is wonderful! Tell her you love the kids!
Ask her -- "Hey? Remember back in the day? What did you love? What could you do over if you could? Did you ever envision this? What we have today? What do you love? What could be better? Would you ever want changes in future? What do you dream for us together? What do you hope? "
That's just asking her about how she feels. You can share how YOU feel. And then leave it there for continued conversation and shared emotional intimacies. Marriage is always
continued conversation. There is not any special rush to END conversation with your spouse!
Watch for that up and down thing. It's not all Closed or wide OPEN extremes. There's degrees if you want to take it in degrees. It could be a glass door that is CLOSED, but you guys are just looking through there at this new world and what it may hold. Read and learn and talk. Still CLOSED in relationship. OPEN to reading and learning together.
Just do not rush this, and if this is a habit of yours, be aware. Vomiting all over each other on some herky jerky type emotional journey is not a fun trip. Enjoy each other on the journey -- not make each other nuts.
You and she are free to write your own relationship story together and have it be how you BOTH wish, at the speed you BOTH wish to go at to the destination your BOTH wish to go to. If this is your next port of call on your Shared Life Adventure, plan the trip together well is all.