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Old 09-26-2012, 09:33 AM
Anneintherain's Avatar
Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 819

Seriously..I dont read Gala Girls responses anymore before I post cause she'll usually hit most important stuff and I'll just feel pointless, so I'll just add on my thoughts before I read any responses. So scrolling through.

Don't compete - it will work out between them, or it wont.

Is it a big thing you've known most of his partners well ahead of time, and she's an unknown factor/not your friend that is making you a bit more apprehensive in this case? Feel comfy discussing safe sex and relationship structures with partners previously, but finding it a bit more complicated figuring out what this new person wants/needs when you feel like a third party?

Best thing to always do is identify what you DO want, and present that to him. "I want you to not message or text or email other women when we are on dates, it makes me feel like you dont value our time together." If you have longer/multi-day dates you might amend that to "Please wrap up your emails/texts before 7pm on our dates, then hold off on resuming til I go home" ... whatever you are comfortable with. Really one thing I love about my bf is that he ignores that stuff during our dates unless he gets a double text from a partner, then he checks to see if its important, and only responds if it is. He ignores my texts and emails to him just as thoroughly if its not our date night, and I'm thrilled he accords all his partners that same respect.

That ties right into your...why do I feel like this? Well, it is one thing if you share a home (do you after this long?) but if you don't, are you twiddling your thumbs trying to be comfortable in anothers space while they are putting their attention elsewhere? If it is your place, you're trying to be a good hostess while hosting a bad guest? If you do live together, I'd just ask to schedule home vs paying attention elsewhere hours (vs giving you a heads up...what works best depends on your personalities) so you can leave him to his stuff while he is busy elsewhere. I've asked for a "hey I'm off to check OKC or IM with my gf" statement so I'm not surprised.

So yes, asking him to cool his jets is one thing if its not negatively impacting anything, asking for what you do want and can have...totally AOK. What the books say...what all people want to know is "What does this new relationship mean for you and me?"

Yes, you DO need to learn to be happy when he doesn't pressure you to go somewhere and hears and accepts your "no". (edit - it would behoove you to do so.) Or you need to be open to doing those things. That is envy, which has always been more of a problem for me than jealousy. That sort of issue is a big thing for me, as my husband wants company on work trips but entertaining myself while he works 12 hour days isn't exactly attractive...but I know a new gf would be thrilled to go along.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.

Last edited by Anneintherain; 09-26-2012 at 09:48 AM.
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