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Old 09-26-2012, 09:11 AM
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rory rory is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
Posts: 497

It is strange. There is something new in this situation when Mya no longer has a live-in partner. Even though all of us have been poly and open from the start, somehow a potential new partner feels a bit more threatening. As so often, it is not really about any concrete thing that could happen but the whole uncertainty, feeling like anything can happen at any time. Apparently the live-in partnership brings some sort of illusion of safety and stability, because even if she did meet somebody and want to move really fast in that relationship, she would already be living with somebody and stuff like moving in together would be a longer process.

It hasn't really been true, because obviously anything can happen in life at any time anyway. And in the end I do trust Mya to make decisions which take our relationship into account. Moreover, I trust that even if she didn't, I would have my own choices to make and would survive that as well.

There are some more irrational feelings as well... Like a really big part of me is totally fine&happy with the thought of Mya having a deep, meaningful partnership with somebody new. But there is this little part. Like when I think about her living with somebody else, it goes "but I was with her first!". Don't think I don't see the absurdity of that when 1) I am living with another partner myself, 2) there are no plans towards me and Mya living together in any setting (not saying that it could never happen), 3) I don't see cohabitation as a marker of status/importance of a romantic relationship, and 4) I don't view the length as a marker of status/importance of a romantic relationship. So it is in no way relevant if "I was there first" or have anything really to do with my relationship with Mya if she does live with somebody... but it's not like emotions are always rational (shocker ).

On to othern things. It's finally setting in with Alec. We are getting to that place where we irritate each other easily since we are in tight quarters and neither of us is working. Happily, I started studies yesterday (fun!), and that will likely help. I do hope he gets to start work soon (and me too). We are also very stressed because we are running out of money with the whole moving and deposits and having had no income for a month. It is frustrating to wait for start dates on jobs you have been offered ages ago. Should be starting any day now but that's what we've been thinking this far and weeks go by really fast.

I don't mean to say we fight a lot, mostly we are happily coexisting, it's just that we bicker almost daily. It doesn't last long, but it's irritating. Hopefully it will pass again soon. Otherwise, we've been in a really good place: we are spending a lot of time together gaming and being close and doing stuff, I'm enjoying that.

I'm going to the city with Mya today... we'll have dinner and visiting sex toy shops. It's fun to go together and see what looks interesting.
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