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Old 09-26-2012, 02:57 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
You guys all agreed to polyship without defining the shape. You all assumed it would be whatever.
I did NOT get that from what the OP wrote at all. The "shape" they agreed to is non-hierarchical, egalitarian polyamory, with no primary/secondary designations -- that is not "whatever," by any means. Now the other gf wants to change that.

She can call the BF her primary without having to demand that he consider her his primary.

- - -

Glad to hear from the BF as well. "TheBF," you may have to step up and do something uncomfortable, which is to state with certainty to your other GF that you will not tolerate her attempting to dictate how your relationship with LIWIG should go. It isn't her place to run your relationship with LIWIG, and neither is it LIWIG's place to tell you how to manage your other GF. My suspicion is that the other GF wants to get you to stop being in touch with LIWIG so that she can spend that time trying to convince that she is "all you need" - essentially to dump LIWIG (the term for that is "cowgirl").

All each of you can do is state your own personal boundaries. Then it is up to the other person whether they can honor them, and if they cannot, then buh-bye! Each pair should manage their respective relationships themselves and keep their noses out of the others' business. You're in a Vee, not a Triad, so it may be that communal decision-making just won't work.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 09-26-2012 at 03:13 AM.
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