oh pooey, I missed it all.
That was the fastest thread drama ever! Congrats to all of you.
I was going to suggest that perhaps this whole business about your husband meeting up with this woman was a bit hasty but not the end of the world. It sounded to me like you were biting off more than you could chew when you agreed to let him go and now trying to reign it all in.
It sounds to me like there is still some emotional patching up to do for the two of you and that you are not entirely healed from the past that you both share. I applaud you for taking the chance and agreeing to him going off to meet this love he has. That was a BIG move in my eyes, perhaps too big for right now but eventually will be less of a threat.
Anyway, I wrote what I had to say anyways in case it helps in some way.
I wasn't sure I got that he is emotionally black mailing you... or cheating, just that you had a moment of cynicism that comes from having been hurt before and experiencing it again more than you thought you would of when he left.