I guess I was wrong about shutting down my blog. Copying something I posted elsewhere today to help explain why I am back.
"I have been telling myself the past two months - no poly, never again. But then I'll start thinking in the frame of mind I've been used to this past year, and go hmm. Especially since all I want for a relationship right now is a committed lack of committment, heh. I don't want something that will necessarily progress towards cohabitation/marriage. Honestly, I want a FWB. But I want a "real" FWB... not just someone who uses me as a booty call, I want the full out friendship, having someone that can be a +1 to go to dinner or the movies, and someone I sleep with, but not something I have to live with or merge lives with, since that isn't remotely possible for me right now. I want someone who would understand that if I say "I love you" that is all it means - it doesn't mean "I love you so we must merge households and marry and live together forever". And I am wondering if I am more likely to find a lover-friend thru poly channels than looking at monogamous folks because most men I talk to seem to either want the white picket fence, or a f-buddy/booty call."
So... undecided on poly. I don't want to let me knee-jerk reaction to my ex's infidelity to cut me off from a way off life that seems to fit me more and more as I grow older. I remind myself that I am just as much at risk for being cheated on in monogamy as in polyamory.
Whether I do end up staying polyamorous or I decide to just focus on one relationship, the fact remains that what I want right now is just a lover-friend, as I'd been posting about on my blog before my marriage blew up all to hell.
"This, too, is sacred."
I am my own primary.
Me: F, 30's, bi.
Sadist: my fwb. M, 30's.
Pandora: Sadist's gf. F, 30's.