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Old 09-25-2012, 05:17 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,092

Yes, I do type a lot but I don't actually expect you to answer back each little point! It's more for YOU to think about in case it helps you in your processing. Internet people just give feedback / other perspectives. You can choose to ignore it or use it however you want. Your life is your life to run.

I find myself not even wanting to think about this today. I just want to push it all aside and see how today goes, then tomorrow, reevaluate, and let him know that it will not work this way.

I appreciate all your responses, though I wonder if I may be making it look worse than it is. Then I wonder if I just can't see it being as bad because I'm in it. ugh. much ugh.
Sigh. I think you see it pretty clear there. It's not fun to digest or come to terms with now that you are shining a light on it.

I'm sorry for all the ugh. I am worried though. Sounds weird over there.

Get yourself through this. Do what you have to do -- and put you and the baby's needs FIRST. Do talk to your mother. Be safe.

You don't seem like you need it really, but in case -- more red flags that pop out to me below.

Again -- you are a real live person that has dignity, worth, and value even if you are being poorly treated right now. Remember that!



He wouldn't promise to be somewhere by a certain time, for instance, in case he got a flat tire. So this is not new to me. However, I do think things like when he schedules dates are well within his control and should not fall under that.
Flat tires are an exception, not the rule. One CAN choose to commit to schedules and be punctual MOST of the time like all other people do.

Basically he never wants to be pinned down or held accountable.

You are correct in that his date schedule is something he can tell you. The other lady has to know the date. Why can't you?

he knew what he was doing, evidenced by him coming home and telling me I was going to be upset with him, and proceeding to tell me he was going out the next night.
More lack of consideration and putting his wants/needs first.

He is using protection for intercourse. He is not concerned about oral and seems to think I shouldn't be, either.
Unprotected oral sex can still cootify you.

What is "intercourse?" Penis in vagina? He slaps a condom on to not make more babies? What about penis in anus? Other kinds of intercourse/outercourse? (I do not expect you to answer me. It is for YOU think on.)

He is willing to take risks with his body. That is his business. His body is his to own and maintain and offer to share as he wishes.

Your body is yours to own and maintain and offer to share as YOU wish. To tell you that you just shouldn't be concerned about your own body management or have personal limits/preferences about what you choose to expose your own body to is fresh and uber disrespectful!

He is not entitled to using your body however he wants. You share your body as YOU decide.

We're not particularly spiritual people, so I wouldn't know what to say about that.
You do not have to belong to an organized religion to know if you are happy all the way down to the Soul or not. To know what feeds your Soul to make it sing out with joy and feel really, really ALIVE! Joie de vivre!

Not really an abundance of smoke-free, baby-friendly, cheap places in Vegas.
I am sure you have a public library, a bookstore, a mall to walk in, McDonald's, a grocery. So you do not have to be out in the desert heat but get a change of scene. Sling the kid and get YOU aired out. Newborn baby won't give a patootie where baby is so long as mama is there too. It's not about where you go with baby to air out. It's about Daddy not being concerned about mama's well being enough to air her out anywhere. At all.

for about 2 weeks I was pretty down. I didn't feel motivated to do anything, I could hardly communicate, I didn't want to be around anyone, I had complete apathy a good portion of the time, struggled to care for baby. In this time period is when I sent him the suggestion to consider closing, and he said he'd think about it.
This is severe neglect. You experience a VERY difficult period, perhaps PPD related, ask him to pause dating for a bit to focus on home life responsibilities and give you needed nurture and support and does he do it? Nope.

Not being able to deal with my negativity was in response to me asking if I should leave. It was part of him saying that it was pretty much up to me and whether or not I thought I could make improvements.
I still don't hear where he will make changes to his behavior toward you. It's all on you. To just cope. And basically that means "Just take it or leave it. I ain't changing my ways."

Cuz he's totally fine how it is. Other than you shutting up so he doesn't have to deal with your "negativity" any more when you voice your stuff.

Most of the time I actually do feel appreciated. He thanks me for everyday, mundane things. Cooking dinner, minding the baby, rubbing his back, etc.
That's nice. Thanks for giving to me. I can do minimal verbal thanks for that so I can keep on getting these services I like from you. Talk is cheap.

In my walk? In my actions and behavior? How I give back to you in creed and deed? To show you I appreciate, love you, and take you into consideration as my partner? I am DOING this by _______?

You have a skewed relationship dynamic there.

If the choice he's giving is take it or leave it? And you are thinking about leaving it? Leave. You are not being fed here in this relationship. You are being drained. You deserve much more and much better treatment.

But be careful in leaving if when you highlighter that speak out loud list you see mega red flags waving. Only you are there and can tell what level this is at in your real life. If you ARE being abused (emotionally or mentally counts, you don't have to be punched for it to be abusive) the leaving time is the dangerous time. Abusers can retaliate. DO leave, but leave safely.

Last edited by GalaGirl; 09-25-2012 at 05:41 PM.
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