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Old 12-14-2009, 05:56 AM
corence corence is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 3
Default how to get from single to poly?

Hi everybody, this seems like a warm place where people offer really genuine advice, so I want to ask for a bit of that for myself

I'm male, i'm straight, i've been in only mono relationships in the past, but i really don't want to have to be in love with just one person... it just seems to me like a 3-person close relationship would have so much more affection present... or an open relationship would be lovely too, in a different kind of way...

I've been interested in polyamory for some time now... Last year I was keen to somehow set this up, but I guess I wasn't honest with myself or anyone else about what I wanted... and ended up in a monogamous relationship.

hah, i make that sound so terrible
we were happy, and oh so affectionate, and it was a lovely time together...
but it was just missing... something!

Right now i've just moved to paraguay. So i'm definitely single right now and i've been meeting a few ladies. And since everything else in my life seems to be going so well now, I really want to define/design my love life too. My only problem is, i'm unsure how to go about finding myself in a polyamorous relationship... all the guides i see talk about adding a 3rd person to a 2-person setup. But what about adding the first?

So far i've met some girls, and we've expressed interest and flirted here and there, but i make sure to tell them, especially before any sex, that i don't just want one girlfriend. I really don't want to deceive anyone and i really don't want to be caught in the trap of having to lie to try not to hurt people's feelings.

But even so i seem to be getting caught in those webs anyway. Last night, I met a girl at a birthday party and we seemed to be rather interested in one another... now I'm a bit uneasy about inviting her to spend time with me because there are two other girls I've been with and I get the feeling there will be some jealousy aroused because not everything is sorted out with everybody... gah.

Am i supposed to introduce myself as "Hi, my name's corey, and I think you've got a beautiful smile, but i don't want just one girlfriend!"

I know that what i'm doing is going to end up with meeting, and possibly upsetting, a lot of mono-only girls before i ever manage to find someone more interested in the idea. I'm not sure on a better way to operate, though. Because I really don't think a lot of girls are going to consciously think of themselves as polyamorous here.... this is south america!

So should i start from trying to make a string of one-night (two-night, 3-night) stands -- taking the "open" part of "open relationship" to the extreme -- until some close, affectionate relationships develop from those?

i know this is all really ego-centric right now... i just haven't had a chance to talk about this with anyone.... none of my friends have had much more than a mild curiosity about the idea, so i've just been thinking in my head for a long time...
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