"If only the other people were here to give their sides of the story".
Looking ONLY at what the OP has answered in response to other people's questions, and her choice of words, this is starting to sound like a case of a guy who is enjoying having two women fighting over him.
How do you know he isn't going to her and saying "Yes I want you to be primary but LoveIsWhatIGot doesn't want to do it that way. She says IT WON'T WORK FOR HER unless SHE is the primary."
You three need to all get together in the same room and talk about this.