A reminder to myself about who I think I am;
Sometimes I catch myself standing in the middle of my life rooted in the realization that I have taken on more than most. Most days I live one moment at a time and don't allow myself to think of anything but balancing time, energy, giving of love to others, actively listening to others and remaining in a position of trusting the lack of control I have.
I give everything to my partners and son and have a titch left for work, family and the very few friends I have. Mostly I just exist outside of my chosen family. I'm present but refuse responsibility for any relationship beyond what is in front of me. At least I try to be like that, but often think of others and give of myself regardless.
I have firm boundaries and a strong sense of who I am, what I can manage and what I value. I'm open to change and growth I think although it sometimes takes a brick up side my head about something to get me to notice that maybe I should look at myself. For this reason I prefer radically honest yet kind people who show me they love me by telling me the truth in as kind and compassionate a way possible. I don't have time to waste on wondering if I can trust someone and wondering what they are trying to say by trying to read between the lines. I prefer to get to the bottom of issues before the misconception and assumptions set in. After that, I find that nothing gets solved completely.
I tend to think that people want and strive to make positive and loving change, growth and energy in the world and I often realize I am extremely na´ve about this. It isn't true, yet I hold on to it as my largest faith in humans.
The combination in a person of wanting to make positive and loving change, growth and energy in the world and being radically honest in the truth they speak yet remaining kind and compassionate is often irresistible to me. It has to be genuine though. Flakes are easy for me to spot and if there isn't an edge that makes them human then I just don't but it. Someone that is too "soft" makes me think that they are hiding hidden anger issues.
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Last edited by redpepper; 09-25-2012 at 05:30 AM.
Reason: just more to say.