THANK YOU all so much! I really appreciate you guys input. I will agree that we shouldn't have jumped into this without looking at everyone's expectations of how this was going to work out. I guess I felt since me and him were on board that the other woman felt the same way. Me and her are trying to communicate the best we can. I love the idea of all sitting down and writing or discussing what we expect from this relationship both now and in the future. Something like that could really clear up a lot of miscommunication. I'm very open to trying anything to make this work because I know that he loves her very much and I want him as happy as possible.
Setting labels is a hard limit for me only because I personally don't believe in it. She stated that it doesn't mean one is more loved than the other and "thats just how its done." If it wasn't such a big deal than why is she pushing so hard to be primary?
I'm sure she has insecurities just as I do and any other person does, but I dont feel like she is working with me here to make this as harmonious as possible. She wants me and him to quit communicating for awhile so they can strengthen their relationship which i find RIDICULOUS.