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Old 09-24-2012, 06:18 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

"Our interest is to find a shared girlfriend rather than someone separate from each of us"

Hi there. I imagine that the negative reactions you're getting may seem disconcerting. The bit I clipped from your post above is what people are reacting to. It's an idea that many couples come into poly with but that seems to just cause problems and heartache for them and for any women they find.

Some quick and basic thoughts on why that is:

And how to avoid it:

To sum up, making an authentic, deep, workable emotional+physical+intellectual connection with anyone is hard. Making that happen between one person and two people, who also happen to already love each other, might happen by serendipity but is too much to expect from any new person you meet. If that's your criteria for success, and any other configuration is failure, you will fail. I would strongly suggest rethinking how you approach the idea of finding a new partner. The both or nothing approach is based on fear and doesn't work. And for god's sake, whatever configuration ends up working for you, please don't be so hypocritical as to expect a new partner to be only with you, or to be in the closet for you. Sorry, there's that hostility from seeing others set up hurtful, no-win scenarios with this approach in the past. :/

All that said, OkCupid is a good, poly friendly dating site.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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