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Old 09-24-2012, 04:07 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,640

Also, OP you say you want a "perfect secondary" which sounds kind of dismissive and idealistic. Nobody is "perfect", and do you really think someone wants to be in a relationship where they're expected to be not only "perfect" but "secondary"? If you want a triad where all three of you are involved together as well as having individual relationships within the triad (and there really is no other healthy way of doing it - don't even get me started on the people who decide that they are only going to have sex if all three of them are present; this forum is full of situations like that where one partner (usually the wife of the original couple) discovers that the other two have been sneaking in the nookie separately without discussing changing the agreement), would YOU want to be thought of as "secondary"? But, that's a whole other debate, whether "primary/secondary" is a good way of defining these interpersonal dynamics.

Also, you said

And someone who understands how to be appropriate towards our existing family without being discouraged.
What does that mean? If I had to guess, I'd interpret it as requiring this "perfect secondary" to pretend she's not your girlfriend around your family, but "just a friend" or a "roommate", that you expect that she will "behave herself" and not "rock the boat" by expecting to be included as a MEMBER OF THE FAMILY on holidays, birthdays, and other special occasions or gatherings, and expected to remain positive and upbeat while her relationship with the two of you is kept "in the closet".

There was something else I wanted to say too, but I forgot what it was while I was typing all this out.

Last edited by BoringGuy; 09-24-2012 at 04:12 PM.
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