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Old 09-24-2012, 06:30 AM
Invi Invi is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 78
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
I do not hear you answering the questions.

1) Why do you think it is something you did?

2) Why are you upset about it now?

3) When he asks you for feedback/reality check -- why not tell him what you think?

You sound very passive in your style. Do you avoid conflict?
http://www.roadtowellbeing.ca/conflict.html




I don't get that. Are you saying you would rather have him deal with finances so you don't have to deal with learning stress management so you can be a part of the conversation for your financial health as a couple?



That's good that you are trying. Perhaps something from practical polyamory would help you.


http://www.practicalpolyamory.com/do...documents.html

But if it boils down to this...



Then why are you together in an Open Marriage? Would you be better Closed?

What does working on it mean if you don't share in his inner life and talk about things? Share your OWN inner life?

Don't compromise yourself if you are not happy and thriving in the open relationship.

Between the isolation from family and friends, a young child in the home, and the shaky communication between you -- sort yourselves out first.

GalaGirl
I think it is something I did because when I asked him if it was, he said he didn't know. When asked again later, he gave a non-answer of "It's okay."
I am upset because I don't know exactly what I did, or if it even is something I did. I'm upset because he's upset and I don't know what to do to help him feel better. I told him those things.

I am passive in a lot of ways. Overall, I'm a fairly submissive person. I do tend to try to avoid conflict, especially if I am already upset.
Thank you for the link, I'll look through it.

I went over the finances thing for NYCIndie. I'm working on stress management on my own. It's helping me to deal with other things.
It's not that I'd rather him deal with finances, it's that he is the one working for the money, he is the one doing the budgeting, and he generally will tell me if there is something I need to know about it. If I was working, I'd gladly do these things myself.

I'll look through that link as well.

I am in this relationship because I love him. Because we share a lot of similar goals, political interests, parenting philosophies. Because it wasn't open from the start, and I told him I would try because logically, it makes sense. Logically, I couldn't tell you why I should have a problem with it. Emotionally, it just doesn't seem to work that way.

Working on it means getting to the point where none of this strikes me as negative. Getting to the point where it is at least neutral, where he can share these things with me and I don't become upset.

I'm dealing with some compromise because I think it's possible to become comfortable with it in the long run, it just may take a long time. I don't know how many posts I've seen here with a relationship starting closed, even with one partner staying mono when it opens, and it taking years for that partner to adjust. I don't really like the idea of it taking years, but I am at least willing to try.

I told him I'd like to close for a while to work on us. We haven't brought the subject back up.
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