Thread: Cheating?
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Old 09-24-2012, 03:03 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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It's rare that someone who isn't practised at lying can actually look you in the eye and do it well.

Originally Posted by Polyfamguy View Post
She told me that this was the first time she has tried lying to me, and it didn't go well, and shouldn't erase over a decade of good faith.
And you believed her? Why did she feel the need to tell you that? If she volunteered it, then my hunch is that she has been lying a lot over the years.

If you hadn't seen her with the guy, would you have known she was lying? If this was her first time, she probably wouldn't be good at it. Lying is a learned skill, only sociopaths are good at it by nature. Assuming she's not a sociopath and you found her believable, then it means she's been practising her skill on you all along.

I find that whenever people are trying really hard to convince you that they're telling the truth, it's because they're lying. People who actually are telling the truth tend to feel hurt that you don't believe them. Liars just keep trying harder to convince you.

Whenever my step-daughter begins a sentence with "To be perfectly honest..." I know that the next thing out of her mouth is going to be the opposite of honesty. I've seen her do it to others enough times to recognize her pattern. That's her tell, what's your wife's?

Originally Posted by Polyfamguy View Post
Unfortunately, my lack of trust in her over the last few weeks has caused her to start concealing everything from me in some attempt to get back at me.
Don't be so quick to assume she's concealing everything just to get back at you. She's trying to convince you she's telling the truth, while preventing you from verifying her story... well, put 2 & 2 together...

Originally Posted by Polyfamguy View Post
She has stated she now does not trust me, because I am so suspicious and checking on her. *I feel like saying "tough shit, I don't trust you for GOOD REASON and you are going to have to put up with a level of paranoia until you can start rebuilding that trust".
Do you see how she's turning it around? She's saying she can't trust you, when it's she who cannot be trusted. She's trying to shift the blame, take herself out of the spotlight. Being suspicious and checking on her makes her not "trust" you? That doesn't even make sense. i.e. You don't trust her to tell the truth. What does she not "trust" you to do?

Going forward, you'll need actual evidence that you can trust her before you'll ever be able to. Reassurance is not evidence. You'll need to confront her and insist on open access to all her communication. If she refuses, I almost guarantee it's because she really does have something to hide.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 09-24-2012 at 03:36 AM.
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