I'm going through something incredibly similar to this thread this past week and I'm really relating to what everyone is saying - I could also use some advice and/or feedback. I've been in a relationship with E for 10 months this time around- it's our 2nd attempt. He was pursuing a new relationship possibility with a good friend of mine, D - with my blessing - under some agreed upon ground rules that did include some restrictions as she is a single mother of a pre-teen daughter who knows that E and I live together and we all wanted to keep it a bit under wraps. I began to feel disrespected and disregarded as they seemed to become carried away with NRE and began to do some things, like PDA, that we all had agreed weren't going to take place. I discussed this at length with E and was reassured that he would speak with D - in fact, he made a list of all of the items he wanted to discuss - and that if the conversation did not go well, he would end the pursuit of the relationship. This conversation occurred on an evening that he was to come home and go with me to temple for a holiday that I celebrate so he and I had confirmed that he was going to see her solely to talk, then come and pick me up. He came home and told me that they had talked the whole time, that things went well and as we were going into the sanctuary for the service he told me she had asked him to return. For a couple of reasons, he didn't go back but in his and my discussions later that evening it came up that they had talked for "95%" of the time and that they had ended with a kiss or two. I was upset that he had not told me this prior and asked what else had happened. He told me nothing else - but my gut was telling me that there was more. I pushed the issue and he admitted that they "made out" as well. He was very evasive - wouldn't meet my eyes and so I knew that there was still more. It then became that "making out" included him kissing her in areas not normally uncovered. Then it included hands down pants. At that point he still was not telling me what had occurred (something that we had agreed to when we opened our relationship) but kept telling me that nothing else happened. Long story short (probably too late) I ended up speaking with D and found out that oral had also occurred and the only reason that intercourse did not was because they ran out of time. Plus - he had also asked her not to tell me what they did. I'm devastated and feel incredibly betrayed. E has been acting like nothing has changed and now he's telling me that he wants me to stop seeing my lover so that we can work on his "tendency to lie" - I'm in a place of confusion. I've always said Don't cheat on me and Don't lie to me - all else can be discussed. Especially since a large part of the reasons our first relationship ended was his lying to me about an encounter with one of my best friends and her husband while I was out of town.
I had been told that they had agreed to go slow - and then turned around and within 10 minutes they had just about jumped into bed. They agreed to not have sexual encounters while her daughter was home and awake - and then did all of the above while her daughter was in the living room watching a movie, knowing that D and E were in the bedroom. I suppose I can understand getting carried away - but then to lie to me for 72 hours over and over and only admit to the truth when he had no other options? I'm at a complete loss...