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Old 09-23-2012, 05:19 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by livingston View Post
I feel very threatened by their relationship now . . .
Well, that's where your work is. Feelings are not facts. What is the threat you perceive? I was reading yesterday that all our fears, large and small, boil down to the thought, "I can't handle it!" We think we can't handle it when someone chooses to be with somebody else when we want to be with them, we think we can't handle loss, can't handle change, can't handle people in our lives moving on, or our investment in someone not reciprocated in the way we think it should be. The reality usually is that we can handle these things, and have handled much worse.

Look at the amount of love you have in your life. How lucky you are! I suggest you sit down before bed each night and make a list of all the things you are grateful for in your life.

So... Loop is running her life as she sees fit and not including you as much as before. Are you seeing this as staying that way forever? Two weeks or a month isn't very long. You are hoping to become a parent and raise a child with Grid, and likely will not have time for Loop for a lot of the pregnancy and much of the child's early years because you will be exhausted. Yet you so quickly are considering ending it with Loop because she wants time for herself to focus on her relationship with Stine being as successful as her relationship with you is. I'm picturing you as a toddler stomping out of the room because a playmate has his toy - do you see what I mean? This is unfair and unkind to everyone involved, including yourself. You can handle this.

So... you wanted to meet Stine, but maybe he wasn't comfortable with that. Where is compassion for him? So... you wanted to "integrate ze into our little family/community," but why pout if that is not his vision for relationships? He's an individual with his own desires, needs, and wants - and not everyone wants to be a part of a poly tribe. Things can't always go your way. So... you will feel probably sad if Loop chooses to see you less, or devotes her energies to Stine exclusively, but you will survive.

You asked how to be more zen about it; the answer is to take the focus off of yourself and stop looking at what life hands you as a personal affront.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 09-23-2012 at 06:08 PM.
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