Processing Frustration, anger, hurt over this mess
I worked to process my feelings today-I'm not done. But, here are some of the thoughts.
In my world, if a person wants a “restart” on our relationship after they have harmed me (regardless of circumstance), the following steps are necessary:
request a restart
acknowledge the harm you did to me
make amends for the harm (depending on circumstance they may be simple or complicated)
respect the current limitation of my trust
take concrete actions to show me the situation has changed, in order to built trust
not play avoidy games
not play 3rd party communication-communicate clearly and directly to me
accept that restart comes with limited privileges due to breach of trust
Finally, accept and understand that at no point, ever, does your closeness with someone else in my life automatically extend to you the privileges I extend to people I am personally close to. You can not ever get those privileges without doing the work to get to know me personally and build a trusting relationship with me personally.
"Love As Thou Wilt"