She has certainly earned a second chance, but I am struggling to hit the balance between letting her know how hurt I am / acting appropriately with my feelings (rather than bury/ignore them), and letting it go so that we can move forward from here. There is certainly potential for me to just be vindictive and mean because I hurt, and I am trying to avoid that.
Are you saying that you are feeling like you struggle to hold that leash then?
The "I want be vindictive! Grr! You hurt me!" one?
Is that the advice you most need right now? How to keep that leash from snapping? Because ultimately you want to work it out?
You sound like you are trying hard, so kudos!