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Old 09-22-2012, 01:27 AM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: East Coast, U.S.
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I wonder if "polysexual" could mean that you're mainly attracted to multiple people, and/or that you feel a strong desire to be with two people at once, such as someone who prefers to have sex with a couple?

(I'm just imagining here, I don't really know what it means to identify as polysexual).

This has been an interesting discussion. I have a couple questions for NYCindie, if you don't mind:

You said you wouldn't want someone who is specifically (or only) attracted to plus-size women, because that would be a fetish, someone objectifying you for being plus-sized. But how is that different from someone just having a preference for a particular body type?

Is that different from someone with a preference for femme lesbians, or for men with big cocks, or for boyish-looking men, or...? I mean, ideally, everyone would be attracted to personalities and be able to see past physical characteristics, but there's a strong physical component to sex & attraction, and people have their preferences, stuff that just turns them on.

Another question: how would you feel if a man you were already involved with confessed that he is bi? (Or that he wants to have, or has already had, same-sex experiences?) I doubt you would stop liking him. It sounds like mainly, that when a potential interest of yours turns out to be bi, you use that a process of elimination not to pursue him. Would it be different if it was someone you knew well and/or someone who really liked you? Would you want to work past your preferences in that case?

Just curious. This stuff is all way more complicated than it appears!

Another complication for me is the dominant/submissive angle. It took me a long time to figure out, and feel comfortable with, the fact that I am attracted to men who are sexually dominant. I'm not even all that kinky, just a bit sub-ish in bed and very sexually compatible with dom-ish/top-ish men.

Obviously sexually dominance isn't a purely physical characteristic--I mean it's not something you can tell about someone at first sight--but I've found that I can sometimes pick up on a sort of "dominant energy" that is hard to articulate but nonetheless is attractive to me. Conversely, I have also felt un-attracted to men who did not radiate this energy. But that energy is not the same as masculinity or maleness, I don't think.

Ironically, I finally became aware of and comfortable with my attraction to this "dominant energy" when I met a woman who radiated it. She was a butch lesbian/bi, and I wasn't really attracted to her (although she is quite awesome), but somehow meeting her made me recognize her energy, and then my own mental processes sort of clicked. I realized, "Oh, I'm not attracted to men who are assholes, I'm just attracted to sexual dominance!"

After that, I was able to articulate what I was looking for and eliminate the asshole men from my search. (There are quite a lot of assholes who radiate sexual dominance)

Lately I've been trying to learn more about my own preferences and figure out if men can be sexually compatible with me without being the type of people who radiate sexual energy at all. (Since there must be men who are dominant in bed but don't exude it out of every pore, like men who are introverted or reserved in public, etc).

And then there's also smell and pheromones as markers of attraction. That's not something I have any control over. I have never met a woman who exuded the chemical smell that I am attracted to.
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