MusicalRose, I don't think D would put me in danger again. I do think he learned from his mistake of almost five years ago. I do meet his partners, in fact, I knew R before he did, and encouraged the relationship at the beginning of it. The problem now is, I can't handle his disloyalty, can't handle him commiserating with women who trash me to him trying to gain points with him or cause trouble between us. And that is still a problem between us.
Thanks for the support, GalaGirl. I do think that D should be with just me and C for now. I don't know if you've followed my story here, but D has some pretty significant sexual dysfunction at present, and I am not happy about the idea of him adding yet more sexual partners. C is an existing relationship and I want D and C to make a go of it if they can, but I think adding another partner would be a terrible idea for D and for our relationship. We have an existing agreement that he cannot anyway, because of his sexual issues. That agreement is subject to renegotiation should things improve in the bedroom for us. Right now we're having an erratic on-again, off-again sex life that does not meet my needs, and he and C are currently not sexual (her choice, I have told them both I am willing for them to have sex together, even though his sexual dysfunction only seems to exist with me).
I know intellectually that D does not want to hurt me, but I also wonder if he is even capable of giving me what I need so badly (a loyal husband who would never ally himself with outsiders who want to cause trouble in our relationship, no matter how much NRE he's having or how good they are at manipulation). I'm quite sure he'd still be defending R's motives and ethics to his last breath if he didn't know I'd go ballistic again if he did.