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Old 12-13-2009, 07:44 PM
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crisare crisare is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 172

Originally Posted by msadams View Post
We are now open to negotiating monogamy and creating space for other partners. I noticed his ongoing interest in her and decided to initiate the conversation to open up our marriage.
But you see, this isn't a "negotiation" really. It's that he is going to do this thing and your choice is to accept it - or not accept it and have it happen anyway. That's not negotiation.

I feel like this is my first time with poly. Even though I have been in poly households before, but feel they are not a base model for what I am experiencing now.
Because what you're experiencing now is not, IMO, poly. It's coerced approval of cheating. It's not poly when one person's feelings, concerns, and insecurities are simply dismissed w/out discussion.

My concern is that is what I am feeling jealousy or am I being a normal human being about all of this? I'm not interested in making him out to be the bad guy and I do want to do what is ethical for both parties involved and get myself off the emotional drama roller coaster.
And what about him? Is he wanting to do what's ethical for both parties? It sounds to me as though you are pulling all the "blame" on yourself. I realize you don't want to make him out to be the "bad guy" ... but what he's doing right now is not ethical or right. It's certainly not poly as I believe poly to be.
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