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Originally Posted by msadams
We are now open to negotiating monogamy and creating space for other partners. I noticed his ongoing interest in her and decided to initiate the conversation to open up our marriage.
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But you see, this isn't a "negotiation" really. It's that he is going to do this thing and your choice is to accept it - or not accept it and have it happen anyway. That's not negotiation.
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I feel like this is my first time with poly. Even though I have been in poly households before, but feel they are not a base model for what I am experiencing now.
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Because what you're experiencing now is not, IMO, poly. It's coerced approval of cheating. It's not poly when one person's feelings, concerns, and insecurities are simply dismissed w/out discussion.
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My concern is that is what I am feeling jealousy or am I being a normal human being about all of this? I'm not interested in making him out to be the bad guy and I do want to do what is ethical for both parties involved and get myself off the emotional drama roller coaster.
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And what about him? Is he wanting to do what's ethical for both parties? It sounds to me as though you are pulling all the "blame" on yourself. I realize you don't want to make him out to be the "bad guy" ... but what he's doing right now is not ethical or right. It's certainly not poly as I believe poly to be.