Thank you for your response. We are now open to negotiating monogamy and creating space for other partners. I noticed his ongoing interest in her and decided to initiate the conversation to open up our marriage. We have been having an ongoing discussion since August and he has been seeing her on and off (as she lives in LA and we are currently in NY) since then.
This is the first relationship I have been in as an adult where I was monogamous and in a single partner relationship (I am 28 we have been together since I was 22). I feel like this is my first time with poly. Even though I have been in poly households before, but feel they are not a base model for what I am experiencing now.
I have a difficult time balancing cynicism with logic especially in matters of the heart lately. I feel like I could be ready for him to explore in the right environment. However I do not want to be overly controlling or hyper vigilant about his experience and I want to be considered and respected in the right way.
My concern is that is what I am feeling jealousy or am I being a normal human being about all of this? I'm not interested in making him out to be the bad guy and I do want to do what is ethical for both parties involved and get myself off the emotional drama roller coaster. Its really hard for me to be both intellectually reasonable and emotionally.
I hope that makes sense?