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Old 09-21-2012, 11:29 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
...there is something about a man being attracted to another man that takes away what I see as potential to be attracted to me. It's like, if he's attracted to other women, I know how to compete with that. But in my mind, I can't compete with other men, so as soon as I find out a guy is bi or gay, I lose interest.
I find this idea of "competition" the most interesting. Especially for a poly person. I don't feel any sense of competition in my love life... I don't feel I am competing with other women or men in my gf's love for me.

I don't even know how I would compete with someone else for my gf's or bf's love. Love is love, it's not a board game. I don't need strategy or weaponry.

Do you mean since you don't have a cock, you couldn't provide one for a bi man to play with, suck, be penetrated by? But he has guys for that. He would appreciate you for your feminine aspects, breasts, pussy, curves, voice, mannerisms, etc. So, there's no competition. Especially if he is a poly bi guy, so he doesn't have to make a choice between loving one of this gender or that.

How do you compete with other partners of your lovers? I can't conceive of it.

This question came to me today, while thinking of this thread: Would a gay man be called homophobic if he says he is not attracted to bi women?
No, he'd just be gay. It wouldn't be her bi aspect, it would be he just doesn't get turned on by her body parts. The phobic part comes in, I believe when gay men won't be with bi men, or lesbians won't be with bi women. This is quite common. Lesbians can feel quite squicked out by knowing another woman has enjoyed having a cock in her pussy and not just another woman's fingers or toys or tongue. I call this het- or bi-phobia. Likewise some gay men are so grossed out by pussies, they wouldnt fuck another man who likes pussies as well as cocks.

Now, when you get into trans issues, things get a bit tricky. Why would a gay man be attracted to a drag queen, dressed exaggeratedly female? As long as she has a cock under her dress, she's OK?

Why would a lesbian be attracted to an extremely butch woman? (I am still learning about dyke culture so I don't have this all figured out yet.) I guess some lesbians dress butch partly to be unattractive to straight men, partly because they just like it. Femme lesbians can be looked askance at by butches, thought of as untrustworthy.

Many lesbians have a big issue with transwomen. It seems to be, if you have a dick, no matter how you present, you're not one of us. I am unusual in that community, being a cis woman involved with a transwoman.

Occasionally a butch lesbian will realize she is actually a man and start taking testosterone and transitioning. Then her lesbian lover has to deal with the sudden realization she is partnered with a man... What does that do to her identity as lesbian? Is her transman partner now allowed in dyke gatherings they used to attend as a couple?

In the case of the Michigan Womyn's Festival, he would be, as long as he didnt announce himself as male. Apparently, as long as he has female appearing genitalia, should he take a public shared shower, he's allowed in, even if he's sporting a beard and new muscles and has had breast surgery to get a flatter chest. But transwomen, perhaps even post-op, are not allowed in, as they aren't "womyn-born-womyn", born womyn, raised as womyn, living as womyn. Sigh...

Now, there is a kinky women's club in Boston called MOB, that allows in cis women, transwomen and transmen, and those in between. Only cis men are excluded. (And at the kinky Fetish Flea Fair held every year, cis men do try to get in to MOB's play parties, believe me.)

If not, then why is a straight woman homophobic if she's not attracted to bi men? Can we just interchange these terms to see where we align ourselves?
No, I don't think we can.

Also... the title of this thread mentions "polysexual" but most of the discussion has been on either bisexual or pansexual. What is polysexual, exactly?
Who knows? Only the OP knows. No one else here seems concerned with it.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37

Last edited by Magdlyn; 09-21-2012 at 11:36 AM.
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