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Old 09-21-2012, 08:39 AM
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
I guess, Cindie, there are degrees of homophobia. I don't understand why being bi would make a man less masculine in your eyes. Surely there are millions of extremely masculine bi and gay men out there. Muscled, bearded or stubbled, tall, broad shouldered, into sports, war, politics, tractors, beer, or whatever it is you see as masculine pursuits. Maybe if this certain bi guy was a Top, only into penetrating, you'd find him a masculine guy... if he was into being penetrated you'd see that as too feminine? Otherwise, I don't get it either.
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
I also have a really hard time figuring out how "bi guys are less masculine so I don't date them because I only like masculine men" could possibly be about anything other than prejudice. As Mags said, there are bi guys who fit every single definition of traditional masculinity aside from liking the cock. So... how is it about anything other than having a problem with men who like the cock? I truly am not trying to say that you have to like everyone, or that you have to like the same types of people that I like, but I just can't see a rationale that isn't based, at least on some buried, deep-seated internalization level, on the part of our culture that says "ew, gays."
Okay, I do not totally understand the basis of my preference yet myself, but I will try to explain what I've figured out thus far. What I consider masculine in a guy isn't necessarily "traditional masculinity." I don't specifically look for hairy muscled guys who are into sports, beer, and monster trucks. I don't think of "masculine" that way. And besides, there are plenty of women who like beer, sports, and monster trucks. I am attracted to a wide range of types, so it isn't even necessarily that a guy needs to be tall and hard-bodied for me to think of him as masculine. I have had boyfriends who had delicate coloring and appeared somewhat effeminate. One boyfriend I was crazy about was someone I thought was surely gay when I met him, because of his mannerisms, interests, fashion sense, and way of speaking.

So, it's hard to say what I think of as masculine. I do know that I am not attracted to men with "baby faces," ie., button noses and round cheeks, etc. Almost every guy I've been very attracted to has had a long or thick straight nose and some kind of angularity to his face. But masculinity isn't just about physical appearance or interests and pursuits. It's an energy I respond to, and I can't quite explain it. And I know that my disinterest in bisexual men isn't about where their cock has been, or if they like to be top or bottom. An ex of mine, who was a former drug addict, was straight but had been with men as a way to get drugs. I didn't care or freak out about the fact that he'd had sex with men. Didn't matter to me.

My "issue" is about who they're attracted to or interested in. And for some reason, tangled up in that, is my perception that their masculinity quotient goes down. Just as Tonberry said that she can't fantasize about gay men because she knows they'd never be interested in her, there is something about a man being attracted to another man that takes away what I see as potential to be attracted to me. It's like, if he's attracted to other women, I know how to compete with that. But in my mind, I can't compete with other men, so as soon as I find out a guy is bi or gay, I lose interest. I don't do it on purpose, it's just like a door shuts for me. I can find them physically attractive, and I can be attracted to them as friends, but there is no more sexual interest. But, I really don't see that as homophobic.

This question came to me today, while thinking of this thread: Would a gay man be called homophobic if he says he is not attracted to bi women? If not, then why is a straight woman homophobic if she's not attracted to bi men? Can we just interchange these terms to see where we align ourselves?

Also... the title of this thread mentions "polysexual" but most of the discussion has been on either bisexual or pansexual. What is polysexual, exactly?
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:

Last edited by nycindie; 09-21-2012 at 09:10 AM.
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