Originally Posted by Ceoli
So you're faced with the prospect of a marriage in which your feelings and needs about being monogamous are set aside? A marriage where your very legitimate concerns are responded to with disappointment rather than consideration? Is that really the kind of marriage you want to have? Achieving happiness for one partner at the expense of the happiness of the other partner is not happiness.
Ceoli beat me to it.
Your thread title says "new to poly with husband" ... but this is not poly. This is flat out cheating. The fact that he has emotionally manipulated you into condoning the cheating doesn't make it poly.
You have taken time to express your concerns and your limits and he's shrugged them off, made you feel guilty for them, and ultimately ignored them.
I know it's easy for me to say, because I'm not emotionally involved or invested in this man, but this is not a relationship I'd want to stay in. At this point, I'd be telling him that I hoped it was going well with his new g/f, because he'll be living with her ... or anywhere else that's not with me.