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Old 09-21-2012, 03:43 AM
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lovefromgirl lovefromgirl is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: The Great Soggy Northeast
Posts: 353
Default I aten't dead

If you're the praying kind, please pray I can move forward through my family of origin's problems in a peaceful, calm manner. This is blowing me wide open to growth, but also to pain. I think they go together.

I'm happy with my therapist. I'm discovering support I didn't ever think I'd have. Of course CdM and M are always there (CdM literally by my side, tonight. Poor darling, he's dozing and trying to ice his back).

I wish I had a time machine so I could take all of GalaGirl's blog threads and show my parents good, sensible advice fourteen years ago, when they might have been able to save things. As it is, they've been broken for so long that there truly is no fixing the relationship. When we're good, we're very good... and when we're bad, we're a disaster. I'm mourning the family dynamic, odd as it sounds. It only worked some of the time, but when it worked, I felt so safe. Now I don't. I'm figuring out how to stand on my own two feet and, on bad pain days, my cane! But damn, I wasn't ready! I thought I had time. I lost so many years to the crazy and now...

...and now...

...I can only wonder what Christmas will look like this year. How odd.
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