I've never really been her friend, I just feel more pressure to now that I am dating SO. When we started dating I made an effort to connect with her.
SO really believes in integration so a lot of time it's the three of us doing something, like going to dinner. She gets one night alone with him a week and I do too. Otherwise she says it's not fair. If I want to see SO, I have to see her too. Also, we have kind of a poly family, with their respective spouses and all our children. We do many things together as a group.
I guess I have been selfish. I am sure that my introduction threw her for a loop. Her mental illness makes it difficult for her socially. My SO's wife tolerates her also but avoids her if she can. I am trying very hard to stay mindful of her feelings but sometimes I just get tired of everything centering around her.
As I explore this, I realize that this is not merely about her copying me.