Originally Posted by DrunkenPorcupine
you've got to honor yourself before you can honor relationships with other people. He has a history of cheating, and even after working out the issues, he did it again. It seems that you also feel that him loving other people means less love for you. If this really is true in your interactions with him then you need to do what's best for you. You said he deserves to be happy, but so do you.
As I read through the story, it seems that you are committed to the relationship and he isn't. You said that you've been monogomous from the beginning - I'm assuming by agreement - yet he cheated multiple times, both physically and emotionally. You went to counseling and "resolved" those. There were more problems and you left. You came back and he began to see someone else.
The tone of how he's reacted to you has been that you either allow his roving or he'll do it anyway w/out your permission/agreement. To me that's not a poly relationship. That's emotional blackmail and someone who wants what he wants regardless of what his partner wants.
IMO, this is the point where it's a really hard choice for you. You have to decide if you are willing to accept his having other relationships in what (to me) seems to be a really selfish way (and not a way I'd classify as real poly), or if you're going to draw a line in the sand and say "I've had enough of being treated like I don't matter."
FWIW, if my husband were to find a second partner and then tell me that he was spending Christmas with her and not me, I'd be FURIOUS. In our family Christmas is important. He would be welcome to invite her to spend Christmas with us, but leaving me alone for 2 weeks over the holdiday? Unacceptable.