back with updates
so, its been awhile since i have posted here. things have been very hectic with all the adjustments to my new life, and i have travelling quite a bit. alex and i are on good terms but she doesn't really want to have much contact with me. that has been really difficult to adjust to, as i miss her terribly, just her presence in my life. she went through a surgery recently and i found it very challenging to not be able to be there for her in the way i wanted to be, because she didn't want to see me and deal with all the emotions that would bring up. i get it, she needs time and space to heal, and i am the one that ended things. but it is still very hard.
things with k keep progressing, despite the fact that i have a lot of judgments about the situation because in some ways she and i are so different. i am trying to just let go of those judgments and allow myself to be present and enjoy the wonderful times that we spend together and the amazing sex we are having (and keeps getting better!) after 9 months of dating. she is having a hard time with the poly thing though. she says doesn't want to put limitations on me and she understands that i am just getting out of a difficult long-term relationship, but she also has negative reactions when i bring up the idea of me potentially having sex with someone else. i had a brief fling with someone on a trip recently, and she reacted pretty well, basically taking a deep breath and telling me it was hard to hear but she was glad i was being open and honest with her. really for me at this point its not even about having sex with other people, its more the principle of making sure hse understand that ulitmately its my choice and i don't want to be in a serious relationship right now, let alone a mono one. the sex wth her is so good that i find myself quite satiated and not looking for that with other people. but i still want to have flirtatious connections, be able to make out with people i'm attracted to and make my own decisions about my boundaries. i know that she may struggle with jealousy and that those feelings are her own. i'm trying not to take on any guilt about that or about who i am, because i know i have that habit from past relationships.
Gay 30-something female that just ended a committed relationship with a mono partner, Alex, and in the midst of NRE with a new lover, K.