Hi and welcome,
I agree with Anna Why lie....
On Saturday when you asked for time to process did she agree to that ? and was there a specific time discussed ?
And yes this episode could wipe out years of good faith at least for a time . And the reason IS it brings into question someones credibility, is it the first time or the first time caught. The thing I found most troubling was looking you in the eye and using a loving caressing touch or physical attention to sell the lie. Pretty manipulative.
I think Vix is right about transparency. Which is in effect TOUGH SHIT I don't trust you anymore it has to be re-earned....personally I don't think there's anything wrong with saying that.
Let her read this thread she'll get that from several others .
Is your universe a strict one or a lenient one?
NRE , mono years of mono programing , newbie sounds like excuses. Excuses or reasons for not 2 or 3 bad decisions ... but maybe 10 or 20. Perhaps starting with having sex with a guy on the first date. Asked for time to process ... Did she agree to that....Yes, NO ...or ok I'll hide my next few encounters while he processes. Are you looking at all the decisions that had to occur that got her to that final confrontation and all the decisions made during that discussion? Doubling down lie after lie. Using charm and smile and some loving touch to sell it. Over what ...A lie about what...... having pie with a guy she is dating and already sleeping with ... that makes absolutely no fucking sense. At least not to me
Which in my book raises more questions outside of that event.
The other interesting aspect of this is she was on the flip side of this and you would think there would be some sensitivity for what you were going through or asking for. Could there be an element of payback here or if not payback, using your playbook. I never got time to process ...you frequently had sex on the first dates ...you hide and told white lies ...stuff like.
Good luck to you both D