Please appreciate the adorable, charming aspect of this story. A husband and wife each fall in love with other people, and keep that love secret from each other. Then it turns out they have fallen in love with the same person. How cute is that! Think of it as a twist on the "Do You Like Pina Coladas" song.
Um... no? I don't find anything cute or charming about it. It left the "cute" arena ages ago when it stopped being a mutual crush at a distance.
I don't think Polyscared or Messymess are finding it cute or charming either. Calling it "cute and charming" minimizes their pain. Why else would he and she be posting to try to sort themselves out?
This is Hang Time at the Forge for these people. Going through a tough situation. Hopefully they will make it out the other end ok one way or another stronger and wiser for the experience.
I do agree with your other points. What is done is done. Something must change in how they deal with each other in relationship.
These folks could try to move it forward and get back into right relationship with each other and try to carry on their future interactions in relationship in a better way. Learning from mistakes hurts.
But sometimes that's how one grows. People are human, mistakes happen. It's now all about HOW they choose to cope with it now.
Polyscared, Merrymess, GF (sorry don't have any other name for you) -- I really do
hope you find your way to a better future. It isn't easy to come to a board to ask for feedback. It's a brave thing to do -- but don't stop there! Keep on going! Have that trio talk and sort yourselves out.
I know full well what I write is Hard to Hear. Critique is not the same as Criticism. My intent is to try to help you see where it could have been different for next time, not pile on more hurts. I really hope you don't find yourselves in THIS situation again because you'll have more ideas for how to handle it in another way. Change your way of going so you don't have to
hurt like this again.
Hopefully move yourselves forward to a place where you can love each other in right relationship without underlying pain.
How can other people help support you in your time of need? Links to resources? Was just airing out your story all your wanted to do?