The talk with rory about Bob was really interesting and eye opening but also a bit difficult at the same time. Difficult in the sense that it's not always easy to hear the truth but obviously I still always want to hear it. I felt sad that my behaviour regarding Bob was affecting rory that much that it made her question my personality and trustworthiness on an emotional level. I can totally understand it now though, so it's really good that she said something. I hate the fact that it looks like I'm chasing him, but to be honest I am the one who is more initiative, actually way more. If it was up to him, we'd probably talk twice a year or something.
But from now on, I've decided to stop chasing him, to give him more space and to relax about what's going to happen. I do still want to be his friend but I want to lower my expectations back to where they were before. I guess I got hung up on the last visit before I left, because it was so emotional and different than usual. That did something to my expectations without me trying or even realising it. I have to adjust them again. I think that is the key, because the reason I'm hurt by his comments is that I'd like him to say pretty things to me but he doesn't. If I didn't expect pretty things, I wouldn't be hurt. I'd like him to say he misses me and wants to skype soon. Instead he's not saying he misses me and is like "yeah, we can skype at some point". He's keeping his distance. And that is fine as long as I don't expect anything from him. So that's what I'm doing now. Trying to steer this friendship back to non-attachement-ville.
Me: bi female in my 30's
Partners: Hank, Dahlia and Fay
Metamours: Eddie (Dahlia's long-term partner)
Living with Hank, Dahlia, Eddie and rory (my ex/friend)