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Old 09-19-2012, 10:16 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

Why is it that any time someone says "I find this offensive", someone else feels the need to say "You're overreacting, that's not offensive."? I just dont get it. The person pointing out their feeling of offense -- unless they're just tying to get attention or defame someone else, which Mags, a long time poster with no vendettas against anyone, is clearly not after -- is actually doing a service. When something offends you, you can respond with vitriol, or you can leave the discussion in a huff, which are very understandable reactions but which help no one. OR you can calmly and rationally explain what your problem with it was. It's then up to the person who made the original statement to decide if they want to look into the issue deeper, to avoid giving offense to that individual or others in the same group in the future, or whether they are comfortable with their initial position. I say it's a service because you're giving someone an opportunity they otherwise wouldn't have had, the opportunity to see things from another's perspective and, if they deem it appropriate, to learn and make a change.

To step in and derail that, to try to shut down the person taking the initiative to do the harder thing by responding with an explanation of their concerns (versus vitriol or huff), I just don't see the point or the good it does. Like, if you yourself are a member of the group being discussed, and want to share your informed perspective, cool. But in this case, if you're not trans, how is it reasonable to even say "this shouldn't be offensive to trans people"? You don't know their lives or their struggles.

Personally, I don't think it's fair to expect to know what's in someone's pants, or hormones, or genes, before you get into bed with them, or even after, if it doesn't affect you. If someone has an std, ok, they have an obligation to disclose that because that could affect the other person. But if I pad my bra, do I have to tell you before I take off my shirt? If I have a small penis, do I have to tell you before you reach in my pants? If I take hormone replacement medication because my hormones are out of whack, does a one night stand have a right to know? If I was born with ambiguous genitalia, and a surgeon re-shaped me to look like one sex or another, what does that affect you as long as we're both into each other and both pleasing each other? How is it different with trans people??

You have a right to info that affects your health or safety. Anything else is an individual's choice to share or not share with you.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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