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Old 09-19-2012, 04:23 PM
messymess messymess is offline
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 6

So... this is my husband. he sent me this link after he posted and I... don't know if I should be responding here, but my first reaction was to want to defend him, and give more to the story, and I dont even know what i'm doing honestly, but I've already buried us pretty deep in all of this and its my fault, so I should be the one getting criticized.

We are fully aware that we need to work on us. I know it doesnt seem like it, but we do have good communication. Our lifestyle is a little over-bearing. We don't just work in the same office, we own a business together and run it from our home... so we not only share all of our time together, but all of our problems as well. Its exhausting and stressful constantly and its very hard at the end of the day to want to bring up issues with us. It just ends up feeling like... we've had enough.

I messed up. Hugely. and I love my husband with everything I am. More than anything. More than anyone. He did nothing to deserve the position I put him in, and I hurt the last person I would ever want to hurt. I am in no way trying to excuse what I did or expect him to. I tend to blow over things a little too quickly and want to move on. Easy to do when you are the one who f’ed up, I know.

He is not a predator. And my friend is not being forced against her will. She admitted to me that while she wasnt sure about the whole thing the first time and she did it for me... that she thoroughly has enjoyed every bit of it since. My friend and husband also get along great when we are together. We all have a blast and laugh constantly. So its not like she is pushing him away and doesn’t want to be around him. Seeing them together makes me happy and I have no jealously whatsoever with them together. It kind of just… makes my heart smile. I realize that I cannot force this to happen and how much stress and pain it is putting on my husband… and on our relationship.

The issue is that her relationship with me is much stronger than it is with him, and although I constantly see potential of them having a stronger bond… I know they need more time together 1 on 1, and I have only mentioned the idea of it in passing to her here and there. This whole poly thing in general is a new and intriguing idea to me in the first place. But before I freak her out… I was trying to figure out if its something that my husband is even open or ready for. And especially after reading all of this and seeing the way the responses have affected him, I’m pretty sure he is not. Especially since I don’t see him having the patience to wait for her to come around without feeling rejected. I don’t want him to ever feel rejected.

My only issue right now is feeling like in order to fix my husband and I… I need to completely cut her from my life, and the idea of that hurts. Not on the ‘romantic’ end as much as the friendship side. I love her in my life and do not want to be faced with ever feeling like I resent my husband for having to choose. Even though I know that he would always win in that choice. I see him hurt when she is around and giving me affection. I’m constantly feeling like I’m in the middle.

I don’t see him ever being able to handle the “V” thing, and I wouldn’t want to ever get more than he was. I’m struggling to see how that even works for people without the ends of the V feeling a little empty or less special.

I think its great that people here take the time to read others stories and try to break them down and help. Its hard to give good advice without all the details, but I appreciate the effort and insight. And for whatever its worth, I just want those who have read this to know that my husband is absolutely the most amazing person I know, has been dealing with the awful position I put him through better than anyone I can imagine, and that I love him with all of my heart.
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