Originally Posted by kdt26417
Welcome to our forum.
It sounds like this guy is quite taken with this girl from Argentina, and probably caught up in NRE (New Relationship Energy), which could be clouding his judgment. For this reason, he may not be paying as much attention to your wants or needs.
You shouldn't feel like you regret communicating, because you have to communicate to get anywhere in a relationship, and usually more communication is better than less. For example, it's better to tell the other person exactly what you want or need them to do, rather than hope they'll care enough about you to figure it out. It's better to just come right out and say it.
It's not necessarily bad to tell him you're hurt, but try to do so without placing blame. It may even be wise to take a step back from the situation, and let him figure out what he wants while you figure out what you can live with. Obviously he wants this other girl in his life, so is that something you can live with? or is it a dealbreaker? That's something to mull over.
I don't blame you for feeling hurt, I would feel hurt too if someone attacked me like that. It sounds like a touchy situation.
I hope your time spent on Polyamory.com will be of help to you.
Thanks a lot for your answer
We talked about it the day before yesterday,but had to stop because he was meeting with some friends. Yesterday he didnīt want to talk about it and said we should just let the whole thing go. But I told him that while I was happy to let things go,I first needed to talk about them.
So we had a talk and that helped me a lot. Itīs not that I need THE SOLUTION to everything,I just want to express my feelings and hear his. He normally doesnīt talk a lot about these things,so I posed him some questions as to make it easier. I just needed to know how he felt about everything,if he told her something afterward and so on.
I also talked about something which had me feeling bad for some time now. I told him to no feel that it was his fault,that in fact it was mine for not speaking up earlier. When he broke up with his ex I was trying to help him a lot,but truth is,I wasnīt very well either because of some questions related to my studies. I mentioned this once to him but he seemed to ignore it so I left it at that. And now he seemed to do the same again so I spoke to him about it.
He says that he has some difficulties picking up on these things so weīve come to the conclusion that if I am feeling bad and wanting to talk about it I`ll make it very very clear.
As you see, communication is still going strong
I canīt hide my feelings really so itīs inevitable for me xD I do worry a bit though,because he will still tell her my things as he says he trusts her. Well I do NOT. And I think I`ve been proven right and itīs only a matter of time for the next drama. As I said,she is manipulative and not really emotionally stable so this united to the f the nature of the relationship (very long distance,wonīt be able to see each other,sheīs only 15 years old) which will almost certainly end badly rather sooner than later...well I worry about this. But I canīt exactly tell him not to tell her my personal stuff,can I?
And a little rant apart: God,that girl really said sorry....in a private message to my boyfriend. Yeah okay,she wasnīt exactly pleasant to my boyfriend but hell,in this message she says that she really wanted to hurt me because she knew he would tell me. Then why not send me a message too? I can't stand people who donīt have the balls to talk straight to the person theyīve been meaning to talk to.