Thanks for the reply. Our relationship before was basically an open relationship where we were committed to each other, reaffirmed our closeness and had trust in each other, but were free to explore relationships with other people.
What we don't have at this point is communication, we don't communicate as often. When we do, we see things from very different perspectives and often get in debates. We're not fighters really. What I notice most is that I feel depressed after we talk now. I don't feel close or trusting of him like I used to, that's what we don't have together anymore.
I'm not saying that he shouldn't have a relationship with Kate. I feel like you may be getting that impression and that's not what I'm trying to say. I'm saying I need to feel like he still loves me.
I guess I have a different definition of primary that considers the depth and closeness of the relationship as the defining factor.