Thank you for the advice.
My mom was in the ICU for 30 days with burns over 23% of her body she is home now and doing better and will hopefully be fully healed in 18 months. Full function of her hands maybe never.
Yes I realize now that then was not the right time to make that decision. And I made it in part because I thought my husband would do it anyway even though he's never cheated on me, and because i thought it would help with his performance issues, which he was starting to be weird about and thirdly yes in the back of my mind and in my heart I never saw him going through with it, I always thought i was enough.
Anytime we have had play time there has been no time for me to regroup with my husband and when ive asked for a regrouping there either isn't time, hes tired or I should just know he loves me. The truth is I need that one on one time with him to know that and i am angry he doesn't give it to me. I am also angry at me because maybe I should just know he loves me. I used to know this.
As far as her being straight or identifing as straight I am ok with that she does everything but oral so I dont know how straight that is its just she is a taker and really not much of a giver to either of us except for to him but this isn't a deal breaker for me as I enjoy being a giver. However this brings up its own set of issues within myself because I never saw myself as a giver especially in a woman on woman scenario so i am wondering what that means for me am I straight, gay somewhere in between.
Gf says she loves us both and has told hubby the 1 on 1 is not a good idea that she and I are both happy with how things are they are hot and exciting and comfortable. He is pushing for the 1 on 1 because he feels his window of opportunity is quickly closing. As she will eventually have a bf and our relationship will end and we will go back to being just friends. Although I am not sure how that will work since we are all very physically attracted to one another but we will see.
And as far as one of them being there with me while my mom was in hospital I asked hubby to take time off he wouldn't because he said he couldn't which is a lie he is an independent contractor he didn't want to go with me he says because he couldn't handle seeing my mom there and it reminded him of his mom who died when he was a kid she had breast cancer, this I believe because he broke down at the transport hospital we were first at. Gf said she couldn't go because of her 2 kids who are 3 and 3 months.
I really didn't want them to be feeling yucky with me at that point in time I just wanted someone anyone to be there to hold me while I broke down and I was alone. While they had each other.
I have always had my husband there to confide in but he was more caught up in his relationship with her or his own feelings than worrying about me because and i quote " my mom was going to live she maybe fucked up but at least shes alive" so yeah sorry I'm pissed at him and his selfishness. Like I said I am not mad at gf I am not her responsibility however my husband made a commitment to me to be there and when I needed him most he wasn't so how do I control those feelings of abandonment from the one person who swore they would always be there? I am to own my own feelings but how do i own something that wasn't entirely caused by me? Do i just say he really didn't mean to let me down it just happens? Why was getting a piece of ass more important than holding me and telling me everything was going to be ok. And while he says it was just comfort sex and didn't mean anything it had to have ment something in order to even do it at such a time but i am to blame for that so i cant be mad at anyone for that but me.
Now however I have clearly told him I am not ready for 1 on 1 between them and yet he is pushing for this so do i stick to my ground and say no I am just not ready or do i just go ahead and let him do what he wants because he should be happy?
This poly stuff is so complicated why cant it just be simple we get some together and hes happy about that instead if being a greedy little piggy and wanting more and more and more that I just am not comfortable with yet? Grrrrrrrrr.
Also is it normal for a couple to go from having sex at least once a day (more for him) to maybe 2 or 3 times a week when they are doing this triad thing? Part of it has been that she is always or was always here so I wouldnt feel comfortable just dragging him off to the bedroom or initiating anything when she was in he'd with us as she is more of a cuddler.
Sorry I know there is some venting in here but it helps to write it out and then look at it or other people look at it and point things out.